


I hid my sins in the garden

by Cloud_Lightning, Vallern



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:13:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28027575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloud_Lightning/pseuds/Cloud_Lightning, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vallern/pseuds/Vallern
Summary: June is here, in Washington D.C.
Relationships: June Osborne | Offred/Serena Joy Waterford
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	I hid my sins in the garden

**Author's Note:**

> Me and vallern literally wrote this just before the rona hit our country, and I think this should be a new chapter for one of our story, but it doesn't really fit so a new story it is then

Serena felt anxious.

Ever since her confrontation with June in front of the ruined Lincoln statue, there was a nagging, unbearable itch under her skin and she didn't know what to make of it. Serena’s feelings towards June never made sense half of the time, and the other half she felt like June was the only thing that tethered her to this damn world. June grounded her with hatred deep enough to hurt but not enough to kill.

Serena didn't even remember the first time June called her by her name, or why did she let her be instead of doling out punishments like a good Wife should towards a brazen Handmaid. Serena made an excuse that hearing her name from June's mouth as she reached her peak was better than Mrs. Waterford.

Right. There was also the matter of her...dalliances with the mouthy Handmaid. How the hell did that happen?

Why did she let June seduce her? Was it loneliness? A form of rebellion against Fred? Or simply getting off on the taboo of having an affair and also being a gender traitor at the same time?

 _How childish._ Her mind whispered. A whisper that sounded like her Mother’s poisonous and silky voice.

Serena also couldn't stop it, not even if she wanted to. She was ravenous, starving from everything that was denied to her for so long—sex, power, freedom—and June happily gave it to her. Sometimes, June tried to take it back and when Serena felt pliable enough, she let her. Being in her mercy was different than with Fred, where usually he was the one in Serena’s mercy, and while Serena wouldn't admit it to June, her fucking smirk told her that yes, June knew that she was better than her husband.

Bitch.

But then again…

Serena touched her lips, still warm after June kissed her in an impulsive decision. She didn’t understand why, and Serena didn’t actually ask. Maybe she should, but when she saw June looked at her with awe and disbelief, Serena swallowed back the question. June asked whether or not Serena called her _June_ , and she felt her cheek getting warmer. She shouldn’t, but it happened and Serena doesn’t know what to say to her other than the truth.

“Yes, I did.”

June kissed her again, this time on the back of her flawed hand.

“That’s a cool glove,” June said with a smile.

“Oh.” Serena caressed her flawed hand, her missing finger tingles. It has been what, a few months? But sometimes Serena could still feel the hurt, throbbing wildly, forcing Serena to scream out her pain to this bleak world. But she’s Serena Joy, and she didn’t do that. “Rita gave it to me.”

June raised her eyebrow. She looked better now, still looking so tired, but at least Serena saw that glimpse of light…hope…behind those blue eyes for hers. It was funny, they both had blue eyes but Serena always felt like June’s were bluer, that’s one of the reasons why Serena picked June to be her Handmaid, once upon a time ago. Blonde, blue eyes and strong jawline, she wanted the baby to resemble her, and June had that. It was selfish and vain, but so what?

“I’m glad Rita’s doing okay.”

“The Winslow’s house was different.”

“Because there’s no greenhouse?” June teased her a little.

The greenhouse where Serena nurtured all of her roses, where Serena fucked June with her fingers and tongue, pretending they were talking about the best way to get June pregnant.

“Something like that,” Serena smiled. “But we moved out from there a few months ago. Liv told us about this house, not too far from theirs.”

“Oh.” Uneasiness crossed June’s face. “You’re moving to D.C permanently?”

“I’m… not sure.” Serena looked away. “I miss Boston.”

This civil conversation reminded Serena that when they work together, the two of them exhausted after working on the draft, June’s pregnancy was taking a toll on her and of course Serena would do anything to make sure that June was fine. And by anything, at this specific memory, it was her kneeling down in front of June and tongue-fucked her until she spent. Or when Fred wasn’t at the house and Serena felt bold enough to lead June back to her room instead of the greenhouse like she used to.

* * *

“You’re a good writer.”

“I beg your pardon?” Serena stopped disrobing, watching June sprawled in the middle of the bed. The bed where she always held June down for the monthly ritual.

“Chill, Serena, I’m complimenting you. I'm an editor after all. I know a good writer when I see one.” June chuckled and turned around, minding her bump. She was naked and sweaty and there’s a look on her face that Serena thought to look like something akin to calm, if they were in the old world. “Even though the books you wrote were…well, you know.”

“You read my book?”

“Of course, even though I didn’t agree with it,” June said with an eye roll. Good to know she was feeling a lot better now than the last two hours. June was practically barged into her room in the middle of the night, whining about the baby kicking her stomach.

Part of Serena thought _such an insolent woman. She should be beaming with joy for the miracle currently growing within her womb,_ another part of her thought, such _an arrogant woman, flaunting her miracle in front of other women that couldn’t have it._

But Serena settled the thought where she decided to satisfy the mother of her child’s needs, even though it means almost two hours of making June’s cum over and over again while she’s getting hot and sweaty. And then June pulled her up, kissing Serena’s mouth greedily, and whispered against her cum-covered lips.

“ _I want to taste you_.”

How could Serena say no while June was looking at her like she wanted to eat her alive, her hand keeps caressing Serena’s, and her big blue eyes filled with lust.

“Have we met before?”

June raised her eyebrow, looking at her as if Serena was going crazy. “What?”

“I mean, before.” She wanted to say _in the old world_ , but it sounded so dramatic.

“Before you and Gilead regress the feminist movement?”

June’s voice made her skin bristle. “Yes, that.”

“No, I mean not personally or professionally. I know who you are as a writer, but I never edit your book,” June sighed deeply. “Thank god for that.”

Serena hummed, feeling something funny. What would happen if June becomes her editor? Would she finish _A Woman’s Place_? Would someone like June let that kind of book ever grace the literature world? Serena put down her robe to the chair and walked slowly towards the bed, naked, and June was watching her every moment. It’s funny, come to think of it; she was never this… playful with Fred before, not even before their marriage was on the brink of destruction, and the idea of having a child would bring them together again.

But with June…

Serena became everything that wasn’t herself. Did her lust for June change her? Or was June just simply awoken something inside her? Serena shook her head, she didn’t want to think of anything else tonight. Not when June was laying in the middle of her bed, raising her eyebrow and smirking while one hand made the ‘come here’ gesture and the other was busy slowly circling her wet cunt.

“But I think I’ve seen you somewhere before,” June said while caressing Serena’s thighs, waiting for her to descend low enough so June could quench her thirst, _their thirst_.

“And where would that be?”

“Magnolia’s. But, I think, if we did meet there, I would remember you. Because you’re that type of customer that orders really complicated coffee and making a fuss when the barista fuck up your order.”

Serena stopped moving, she looked beneath her, June’s smug smile on her swollen lips. She moved away from June’s face, ignoring June’s complaint. “Now, that’s a bad assumption, Miss Osborne,” Serena whispered before she kissed her hard. “Why don’t you use that mouth for something good instead?”

“I’m trying,” June breathed out as Serena touched her overly sensitive nipples. “Why don’t you sit on my face and let me do it?”

 _I hope our child didn’t end up as impatient as you_ , Serena wanted to say, but it sounded so wrong, as if the two of them were a real couple expecting their first child, instead of a rapist with her victim. So Serena said, “Always so impatient, aren’t you Miss Osborne?”

June bit her own lips as an answer, and Serena could feel her hand started traveling down toward Serena’s lower abdomen. “And for the record,” Serena smirked when she heard June hissed in pain after she pinched June’s nipples a little harder. If she wanted to cum with June’s fingers, she would’ve done it by now, but she wanted June’s tongue for tonight. “I only drink black coffee.”

“Of course you are,” June kissed her. “So am I.”

June wasn’t entirely wrong, they did meet back there. But June didn’t notice her, too engrossed in butchering the script she edited that day.

Red.

So much red.

Serena was right on one part, red looks good on June, even the uniform is so hideous.

* * *

The two of them sat next to each other while June tending her wound, after she tended hers first. Her mother was a doctor, that’s why she’s so good at this. It was like a silent invitation to talk about Serena’s own mother, but honestly, she doesn’t want to talk about her mother. So Serena asked June more about hers, and June laughed a little.

Because it felt surreal, the two of them sitting together and talking about their dislike for their respective mothers as if the two of them were…were on a date somewhere in the old world, sitting at an outdoor café one late afternoon, bonding by having an overbearing mother. And not sitting inside a hospital room with a comatose woman not too far from the two of them.

June’s mother sounded like an amazing woman; well it shouldn’t be a surprise, considering how amazing June was. Serena closed her eyes and berated herself for thinking something like that. It was hard to think straight, not when June was touching her hand so tenderly.

She remembered when she touched June’s hands the same way, it was when she kissed June for the first time after Serena thought that June was pregnant. She didn’t understand why she did it, other than, well, she wanted to. It was such a miracle, back then, but of course, June wasn’t actually pregnant, and Serena lashed out at her. Partially because she kissed June the day before.

“My mother was a gospel singer,” Serena said suddenly after June was done telling her something about her mother. She really didn’t remember what, exactly, too busy looking at June’s happy face, something Serena never saw before today.

The room was silent except for the sound of the machines that kept Ofmatthew alive, and Serena didn’t like this silence, there was never a silent silence when June was next to her. She always had something to say; about Serena, about the weather, about the goddamn Gilead. The only time when the two of them weren’t bickering was only when they were both too tired to talk, and with sweat all over their body.

“Really?”

Serena nodded.

“But when she was pregnant with me, she stopped singing. I didn’t know whether it was because my father told her to, or her own wish.” Her father died too early for her to ask that kind of question.

“Oh.”

“I did remember one time I asked her to go back as a gospel singer. I thought it would be amazing to have a gospel singer for a mother, something that I can show off to my friends at school.” Serena laughed bitterly, trying to squeeze that feeling she once felt as a child, hopeful, that her mother would agree. “But my mother said that we were supposed to move on from the past, not clinging into it. And after that, I never asked anything from her again.”

“So, you can sing?”

“No. But I can dance, pretty well in fact,” she was a bit angry and sad because when she showed up at that party months ago, the day she decided to _come back_ to Fred, no one compliments her dance, or Fred’s. Fred was a decent dancer, for a man.

She did not waste her childhood and teenage years training for ballet for _fun;_ she was doing it for everything else other than fun.

“Wow, what are the odds, so am I.” Serena looked at June, disbelieved. “Hey, what’s with that look?”

Serena chuckled. “You don’t look that graceful at all, Miss Osborne.”

It’s not June, but it’s not Ofjoseph either, because it would be weird for Serena to call June with her first name in front of someone else, even though that person was in a coma. Which was funny, because she always called June by her first name every time June pushed her to reach her peak, but calling her with her handmaid’s name sounded so bizarre at this point, when they were talking about their past as if Gilead wasn’t real and the two of them met by a coincidence.

“I’m a bundle of energy when I was a kid; my mother thought I should channel it into something else. I’ve tried sports, but I’m not really good at it.” June shrugged. “Maybe because I’m too small and not really a good team player, so dance it is.”

“What kind of dance?”

“Eh, I’ve tried some of them. Never find something that really clicked with me.”

“If you know how to ballet, maybe we can dance together,” Serena humored this silly idea for a while. As if they could dance in such cold and detaching places like Gilead. Canada, perhaps, the country where _their_ baby girl was waiting for them. No, just waiting for June. Her real mother.

“Probably you’re just going to spend the rest of the dance angry at me because I keep stepping on your feet.”

“You would do something like that on purpose.”

“Anything to annoy you, Serena,” June said with that small smile of hers, the smile reserved only for Nichole.

They didn’t talk again, but they’re still sitting next to each other on the floor, shoulder brushing against each other with every breath they took. June was still holding her hand, the one that she slashed with the knife. Serena wanted to laugh, never thought that one day June would really hurt her. No, June already hurt her where it counts, that day in front of the Lincoln Statue. Some twisted part of her screamed how that moment felt like a breakup.

A breakup between what, exactly?

“You said something about resistance.” She heard June’s monologue before she entered the room, her voice was actually the one that pulled Serena into this room. She would never guess to find June all alone in this room, talking to the emptiness as if the silence was her best friend that she could trust with such a delicate plan.

June gritted her teeth and let go of Serena’s hands, she bit her lips to stop herself from making a pathetic sound of displeasure.

“Where did you heard that?”

Looks like June didn’t remember about it. “Because there is one.”

“No, because there’s no resistance, Serena.”

“Are you afraid that I will report you to the Eye?”

“Do you even need me to answer that?” June hissed, suddenly standing in front of Serena, towering her. June has grown, like someone that finally found their purpose in the universe. Purpose as June Osborne, not Offred or Ofjoseph.

“Have you forgotten how many times you stab me from the back? Or do you need a reminder? Because trust me, I have the time, Mrs. Waterford.”

Serena scoffed. “So we’re back to Mrs. Waterford. Again.”

June sighed deeply and took a step back. “Just forget it.”

“I want to help, June.”

“Well, if you could go back to the past and stop yourself from making this shithole, then maybe, I would consider telling you a little secret.” June was pacing back and forth, making Serena irritated. She hated it when she saw someone couldn’t sit still, making her become anxious as well. “But then we won’t be having that conversation because Gilead never existed in the first place.”

“Would you stop doing that?” Serena finally snapped, making June stop walking. “Can you just sit down and stay still?”

June sat on the floor in front of Serena, sighing deeply as she stretched out her legs. “What could you possibly do, Serena?”

June’s words reminded her of her mother’s when Serena said that she wanted to be a writer. Her mother just scoffed, saying how her father was to blame for planting such a childish idea into her. A writer, at this day and age? Might as well go back to the farm and tending animals.

But June didn’t look at her with disdain, she was looking at her with disappointment, and honestly, it was far much worse than her mother’s.

“I don’t know.” Because Serena didn’t want to tell June her plan, not even after all this time.

Not even at this moment, when the two of them were baring each soul, feeling more naked than they ever will with each other. Because she was so desperately yearning for a child’s love, and she wasn’t ready to share that, not even with June, the other mother of her daughter.

Serena sighed and stood up. “I better go back, or Liv will start rounding up a search party looking for me.”

“Go.”

Serena wanted to kiss June one more time, because she didn’t know when they would meet again, under what circumstance. But she wasn’t ready to be rejected by June.

June never rejected her, not that Serena ever did the same to her.

So Serena walked away from June one more time. The last thing Serena saw was June’s sad face looking at her retreating figure.

Serena wore her wedding ring back, ignoring the tingly feeling of June’s hand stroking hers not so long ago, she squeezed that feeling away because she was Mrs. Waterford after all.

And she had to play her role.

**Author's Note:**

> if it werent for the rona, i would say "when will this show return from war?" but alas. anyway, you can find us @nightwhite13 and @vallern on tumblr, like seriously, we're still there


End file.
